* Second thoughts

I hate to raise this question so early in the life of this blog, but I'm wondering if I can really stick with it. It was fine during the winter doldrums here at work, when I could blog from work with little or no guilt. But those days are behind me now, or at least far more infrequent, so I have to reconsider this venture.

I'm not giving up just yet, but I'll be doing some real pondering over this issue for the next couple of weeks. And if I'm not able to post more than once or twice a week, I'm not going to keep doing this for much longer. I just can't justify the time commitment that it requires. I'm already overcommitted to a bunch of projects that I may never complete. Such as:

  • Painting all the rooms in my new house.
  • Restoring the used sailboat that I just received from a generous freecycler.
  • Making prints and framing my photographs, so I can display and sell them.
  • Landscaping my yard and planting a garden.
  • Creating a digital portfolio to show off my new design skills, so I can get a better, more satisfying job.
  • Collaborating with The Diva to produce a TV show for the local public access channel.
Just thinking about that list makes me cry. Because I want so badly for all of those things to get accomplished, and I just don't know how it will ever happen.

Besides, Rio is doing great these days. This new school seems to be a much better environment for him, and I don't need to spend every day worrying about when I'll get the next phone call from his principal.

The BIGGEST reason I wanted to do this blog was to force myself into a regular writing practice. Writing is my first love, and my most neglected one. As a mother, stepmother, and wife, there is no way I can find the kind of time and solitude I need to organize my thoughts, to brainstorm ideas, to piece together a story. As Virginia Wolfe knew so well, without a room of one's own, women will always struggle to find their creative voice. At least until the children are grown.

I've just about talked myself out of it already. However, I am aware of the fact that PMS is kicking my ass this week, so I'm not going to make any rash, hormonal decisions just yet.


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